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Holiday Research 2

The holiday season is well know as a time for cashing in on crappy sequels. I did this one mid November, but pegged the publish date to the holiday in question. Just in case this cheap attempt at wordplay comedy is too subtle for some.

Let me tell you a story about Turkey day. The day our lust for larger and larger poultry went tragically too far. For on that fateful day, the largest turkey every was manufactured.

Grown in a humongous vat, it was three stories high when it was released fully-formed. As it emerged from the vat it let out an enormous screech that shattered the eardrums of the technicians in the control room. Panicked and scrambling to get out, they failed to initiate emergency containment protocols as Turkey-Zilla charged straight through the concrete walls.

Impervious to small arms fire, and too fast for artillery, nuclear weapons had to be deployed to put an end to its brutal rampage. The worst part: The irradiated meat was declared unfit for human consumption. Running a close second for worst part, thousands died in the rampage and nuclear blast combined.

So on this day, let us give thanks that my story was totally made up and that turkeys are (relatively) small and docile. Also no humans were hurt preparing this meal, although I have some close-shave stories about that for afterwards…

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